A mysterious woman (looks to be around 20) dressed a bit like a steampunk enthusiast (she is wearing a pair of blue jeans, a white button down shirt, a reddish-brown leather vest with brass buttons and a pocket, a short deep brown leather jacket, and a pilot’s style helmet with purple-y goggles) enters the inn.
She carries two old suitcases into a room across from Artie’s and sets them down. She heads back to the entry way for two more leather travel bags and a steamer trunk. Alone, she manages to get them all to her room. She unpacks and heads out to a motorcycle with a sidecar. She pulls down her goggles, secures her purse and a small satchel in the sidecar, and drives off toward the Warehouse.
Mrs. Frederic, Artie, and Leena stand outside, supervising the unloading of a large truck. The woman pulls up nearby. Artie draws his Tesla.
Mrs. Frederic shakes her head and says, “I’ve brought an old friend.”
“Hardy-har,” the woman says in a British accent, stepping from the bike and lifting her goggles. “Make fun of my age, if you please.”
Leena laughs. “I can’t believe this!”
The woman smiles. “I have missed you all terribly.” She fondly strokes Leena’s hair from her face and hugs her.
“Where have you been?” Artie asks her, hugging her.
“Warehouse 12,” she says, simply. “Although, Warehouse 13 is expanding in order to house Warehouse 12’s artifacts. There was an incident. We had to move.”
Mrs. Frederic smiles. “The Warehouse will be done with the inventory uploads by morning.”
The woman nods. “Watch out for the box marked ‘dangerous beyond reason.’ Handle it with a double layer of purple gloves.”
Artie nods. “What’s in it?”
“The eye of Ra,” the woman says.
Mrs. Frederic nods. “It’s good to have you back as a field agent.”
“Good to be back, Irene,” the woman says with a smile. “Although, I won’t neglect my other duties.”
Irene nods.
“So, what’s your title, now?” Leena asks.
“You can simply call me Agent Emm,” the woman says. “Or Emma is fine, too.”
“Even though she still holds the title Eminent Director Emeritus,” Mrs. Frederic says.
Artie nods.
“But, you are still in charge of the Warehouse, Arthur,” Emma says.
He nods, again.
“Claudia’s been doing improvements on the Tesla guns,” Leena says.
Emma smiles and turns to Irene. “That’s why you didn’t give them the upgraded Tesla guns.” Irene nods. “Does everyone still think it was Nikki?”
Mrs. Frederic laughs and nods. “Our little secret…until you wish to divulge.”
“Let’s head inside,” Artie says to Emma. “I’ll show you around, even though it was you who set up the whole system in this particular Warehouse.”
“Why did Warehouse 12 have to come here?” Claudia asks, seeing Artie out of the corner of one eye.
“I had my suspicions,” Artie says. “But they were proved wrong. Although, no one has said anything specifically.”
“There was an incident at Warehouse 12,” Emma says.
Claudia looks up. “Who is she?”
Artie smiles. “She is Agent Emma, and she is back.”
“Who’s back?” Pete asks, coming from the Warehouse inventory area. “I’m beyond confused.”
“For a minute, I thought I was alone in my confusion,” Jinks says from behind him.
Myka follows them, eyeing Artie then Emma.
“I’m back,” Emma says.
Artie chuckles and shakes his head at Emma. “I must say, you haven’t aged a day.”
“Actually, I’ve aged about four months,” she says. “Myka, Claudia, Jinks, Pete, and Trailer.” She bends and pets the dog, who happily wags his entire butt in response.
“She knows our names,” Pete whispers loudly.
“I’ve read your files,” Emma says.
“But, you’re so young. How can you be back?” Claudia asks.
“I am an artifact,” Emma says. “My grandmother found a set of porcelain vampire teeth and put them in her mouth, trying to scare some local boys to keep them from bullying her younger brother. They fused with her real teeth. She married, eventually had my mother, who inherited the teeth. She married twice and eventually had me, who inherited the teeth.”
“Still, how can you be back?” Pete asks.
“My grandmother was 14 at the time she put the teeth in. That was back in England in 1402.”
Myka gapes and shakes her head. “1402?”
“My mother was born in 1538. And, I was born in 1624 in London,” Emma says. “The artifact ages us super slowly after about age 18, until a daughter inherits the artifact. Of course, it can choose which daughter to give it to. I had three older sisters. And, I’ve had two daughters and three sons, who’ve all married and had kids, who’ve had kids.”
“When did you marry?” Myka asks.
“Who did you marry?” Pete asks.
Artie grins. “Now, that is a good story, and an odd marriage.”
“I married in December of 1857. It was an odd courtship and an even odder marriage,” Emma says with a smile. “Claudia, you’ll appreciate what I’m about to say.” Emma looks at the youngest of agents.
Claudia looks up at her. “O-kay.”
“My full name is Emma Dalia Tesla,” she says. “Married to Nikola Tesla…”
Artie interrupts, “And she is the modernizer of the Warehouse system, the eminent director emeritus, in fact; creator of Warehouse 13.”
She smiles at Artie.
“Tesla?! The Tesla?” Claudia nearly chokes.
Emma giggles. “I was his best kept secret, his woman behind the man.”
Myka shakes her head. “I thought he didn’t like women.”
“He was handsome. He didn’t like the attention,” Emma explains. “He saw me at a science exposition. He was introducing some new idea that he hadn’t fully developed, yet. I asked him intelligent questions for about an hour and turned him down for dinner.”
Claudia laughs.
Artie nods. “I couldn’t believe it when she told me the first time.”
“I was much older than he was, although I only looked about 19 at the time,” she says. “He was quite taken with me. I wasn’t so sure about him.”
Myka grins. “I can just imagine him trying to get your number today.”
“He kept pursuing me until I finally gave in and agreed to one dinner date,” she says. “As it was, we ended up in his lab tinkering with his very first Tesla coil. I helped him figure out he had it wired wrong.”
Claudia says, “That is so much cooler than an artifact, I think.”
“Depends on the artifact,” Emma says with a wink.
“What changed your mind about him?” Pete asks.
“He liked me for my mind,” she says. “He felt too many women didn’t look after themselves fully, body, mind, and soul. He felt I was a complete woman.”
Pete nods. “So he married you?”
“It took him a couple years, but yes, he did,” she says. “I had to tell him about the not-aging thing, of course. He was fine with that, even though I was over 200 years old already.”
“And you had kids?” Jinks asks.
“Two daughters and three sons bearing the name Tesla, yes,” she says. “Our first was a girl, Amelia, but it was obvious from the moment she started teething she didn’t have the artifact. Then came twin boys, Thomas and Nicola the second. Then another girl, Emmaline, who was also not the inheritor of the artifact. And, finally, another boy, Henry. Nikola started aging, while I didn’t.”
“Rumor has it he’s still alive,” Artie says.
“If he is, he is still married to me,” she says with a grin.
“You didn’t live with him until the end?” Claudia asks.
“No,” she says with a sigh. “He made me leave with a promise to find love again and forget about him.”
“Tragic romance,” Jinks says.
“Not really,” she says. “It was inevitable the day would come where I would have to leave and move on. I couldn’t stay married to him if we never had another girl who inherited the artifact. He knew this. He released me.” She sighs.
“It’s still cool,” Claudia says. “You being Mrs. Tesla and all.”
Emma smiles at her.
“There’s something cooler, but I doubt she’ll tell you,” Artie says, cryptically.
“Yes, well. I heard you made some improvements to the Tesla gun?” Emma asks.
Claudia blushes. “Um…yeah. This is weird.”
Emma chuckles. “I’d like to see those.”
Claudia nods. “I’ll show you after we finish with this, because that would be the polite thing to do, I think.”
Artie chuckles.
“My life is awesome,” Claudia says. “Just thought I’d share that.”
Everyone chuckles.
“What could be cooler than being Mrs. Tesla, the artifact that’s lived hundreds of years and helped modernize the Warehouse and create Warehouse 13?” Pete asks.
“Being Mrs. Tesla, the inventor of the Tesla gun and grenade, modified from one of my husband’s attempts at a mini-Tesla coil,” Emma says.
“I’m surprised you told us,” Artie says. “It took me two years to get that out of you.”
Claudia gapes.
“Maybe, I’m getting soft in my old age.” Emma shrugs and looks at Claudia. “It’s not awkward; it’s cool.”
Claudia makes noises in her throat like she’s trying to say something then stops and turns to the computer.
Myka chuckles. “So, what brings you here?”
“Warehouse 12 was my home. Well, before that, I was bouncing between Warehouse 7 and 9.”
Artie chuckles. “Warehouse 7 was small. She showed me where it was located once.”
“It was a two room house with very little protection,” Emma says.
“Who invented the purple goo?” Pete asks.
“Nikki,” she says.
“Nikki?” Myka asks.
“Nikola,” she says with a grin. “I called him Nikki.”
“That was your pet name for him?” Claudia asks.
“Yes, sort of. He didn’t like being called sweetheart or darling, so I called him Nikki once, and he liked it.”
“What did he call you?” Pete asks.
“Emm,” she says with a fondness in her bright brown eyes.
Claudia smiles.
****
“How did you get the processors miniaturized enough for it to handle the recoil?” Emma asks Claudia, once the trucks are completely unloaded and the group is back at the inn. “I could never get it that small.”
Artie smiles at the two girls huddled over the mini Tesla.
“It feels good having her back here,” Leena says. “She taught us everything we know.”
Artie nods. “She is an esteemed guest and agent.”
“And friend,” Leena adds.
“Claudia seems to have met her match,” Artie notes.
Leena chuckles.
Myka approaches. “It’s like a mini-nerd fest over there,” she says. “Emma Tesla. You both knew her from before.”
Leena nods. “She’s my great-great-grandmother. One of her son’s daughter’s married and had my mother. I think I got that right.”
“Good grief,” Pete says. “This gets weirder and weirder.”
Artie chuckles. “She was my mentor when I was 16. She gave me the name Neilson.”
“Like I said, ‘weirder and weirder.’” Pete gets another slice of pumpkin pie and begins eating.
Leena shakes her head at him. “Those are for Emma.”
“What? There are two more full pies in the freezer,” Pete says around a mouthful.
Myka chuckles. “Did she really create the Warehouse system as we see it today?”
Artie nods. “The story is that her grandmother realized her plight wasn’t just an isolated incident. She realized there were more artifacts that did crazy things, and more were being made by odd circumstances. As her grandmother began working at the Warehouse, the current Regents realized her specialness. So, every daughter in the line that has inherited the artifact has become the Eminent Director Emeritus. In other words, Emma knows pretty much everything about the Warehouse. Anyway, Emma realized the Warehouse could do with some modernization, so she and her husband, along with three friends, expanded it to what it is today.”
“Warehouse 13?” Myka asks.
“Yes,” Artie says. “And, with the move of Warehouse 12 into 13, our warehouse is the only one left.”
Pete finishes off his pie and cleans the plate.
“You actually cleaned up after yourself?” Leena asks.
“Maybe, Agent Emm is rubbing off on me,” he says with a shrug.
****
Emma checks the complete inventory of the transfer, sitting in blue jeans, a button-down shirt with a leather corset overlay, and a cut-off jacket with brass buttons. She wears a pair of beat-up boots, scuffed with age. Claudia watches her.
“Hi, Claudia,” Emma says, without looking.
“How did you know I was here?” Claudia asks.
“Computer screens tend to be reflective,” Emma says, smiling over her shoulder.
Claudia laughs. “Checking the inventory?”
“Just making sure nothing got left behind,” Emma says. “Apparently the artifact in my mouth enhances my brain. I have an eidetic and photographic memory. It’s a blessing and a curse.”
Claudia shakes her head. “Sounds like a blessing.”
“If you’re not over 380, it probably is,” Emma says on a chuckle.
Claudia blinks. “True that.”
“Hmmm,” Emma says, turning back to the screen. “I don’t see Queen Victoria’s ring or…”
“Or what?” Claudia asks.
“Did you get the box marked ‘dangerous beyond reason’?”
“I don’t remember that one. I’ll go ask Artie,” she says. “I don’t like this ‘dangerous beyond reason’ thing.”
“Nor do I,” Emma says.
Claudia moves to the next room. “Did any of you take in a box marked ‘dangerous beyond reason’?”
Artie shakes his head. “No.”
“I think I’d remember a box marked ‘dangerous beyond reason,’” Pete says.
“We have a problem then,” Emma says from the doorway. “It’s not in the inventory.”
“What was in it?” Myka asks.
“The eye of Ra,” Emma says, looking at Artie.
Artie shudders. “That is a nasty piece understandably marked ‘dangerous beyond reason.’”
“I’m afraid to ask, but what does it do?” Pete asks.
Emma nods. “It tears you up into pieces in a storm of light and sand. We need to find it before someone unleashes trouble.”
****
Artie and Emma stand shoulder to shoulder watching an Arkansas dust storm. “No light,” he says.
Emma nods. “Next.”
Myka and Pete check out a sand storm in the Arizona dessert and report back to Artie. “We see nothing but sand,” Pete says. “Lots and lots of sand.”
Jinks and Claudia report the same from a barren farmland in the middle of Oklahoma.
“This isn’t good, Arthur,” Emma says.
He nods. “Let’s try our next place. And, what’s with the steampunkness.”
Emma chuckles. “This is basically what I used to wear back in the 1860’s when it was first in style.”
He nods. “It’s back in style, so you’re back to basics.”
She nods with a grin.
He smiles back and leads the way back to the airport.
Myka and Pete arrive at their second destination in Cairo, Egypt. “There’s nothing here, Artie,” Myka reports over the Farnsworth.
“Here, talk to Emma,” Artie hands off the Farnsworth.
“We’re waiting for the others to check in,” Emma explains.
“Hey, Agent Emm? Did you know Farnsworth?” Pete asks.
Emma nods. “He was one of the Warehouse modernizers.”
“Mind blown!” Pete says.
Emma chuckles as Artie’s Farnsworth buzzes.
Claudia reports nothing in Florida.
“One last place to look,” Artie says. “Ready, Emma?”
Emma nods and hands off her Farnsworth saying, “We’ll call when we’ve checked it out.”
Warehouse 12 stands empty engulfed in a swirling storm of light and sand.
“Yes, well, hello to you, too, eye of Ra,” Emma says. “Gloves.”
Artie hands her a pair of long, rubbery purple gloves.
She puts them on and holds out her hand. “Giant bag.”
Artie hands her the remodeled backpack with the new purple lining.
She secures it around her body, with the opening at her front. “Luck.”
“Good luck,” Artie says, hugging her.
She smiles. “Here I go again.”
“I’m not watching this time,” he says.
“Please, don’t. And please tell me I have a change of clothes in the car, in case.”
He nods. “I made sure your suitcase was here.”
“Thanks. Now, to be ripped apart at the seams,” she says, trotting toward the storm.
Artie turns away and answers the buzzing Farnsworth, making sure to keep the storm out of site on the screen. “Myka?”
“We found the ring of Queen Victoria,” she says.
“And?”
“It was untouched. We bagged it,” she says. “Where’s Emma?”
“In the eye of Ra’s storm,” Artie says, seemingly unfazed.
“What?! Is she okay?” Myka asks.
“Myka, she can’t die until the artifact has been passed to a daughter,” Artie says. “Even the eye of Ra can’t kill her.”
“Weirder and weirder,” Pete says from off screen.
Artie chuckles. “You’ll get semi-used to it.”
“We’ll take your word for it, Artie,” Myka says.
“Call Claudia and Jinks and tell them to hitch it back to Univille,” Artie says. “I think the storm just stopped.”
Myka nods and disconnects.
Artie chances a look.
“Don’t look,” Emma says. “I’m falling out of what’s left of my clothing.”
Artie turns around and closes his eyes. She dumps the eye of Ra in his hands and rummages in her suitcase for a change of clothes. She changes into a similar outfit and taps Artie on the shoulder.
Artie turns. “Nice outfit,” he says.
“Better than this one,” she says, holding out tattered cloth and leather that could not have possibly been anything at anytime.
“Wow,” Artie says. “There’s less left than last time.”
Emma nods. “It might as well have left me naked this time.”
****
“This is why no regular agent should ever try subduing the eye of Ra,” Emma says, holding up the rags that were once her clothes.
“Yikes,” Claudia says. “We had a ping.”
“What ping?” Artie asks as Emma heads to a shelf, lays her rags on an artifact, and picks up her outfit, made whole again.
“It’s a harmless artifact if you are an artifact,” Emma says. “Don’t try it if you’re fully human.”
Artie nods and turns to Claudia.
“Anyway, we’ve got weirdness in a place in the middle of nowhere in Montana,” she says. “Someone or something is causing people to randomly fall in love with each other.”
Emma reads over Claudia’s shoulder. “People report sighting a bigfoot before each incident.”
“This is weird,” Artie says. “It makes people see bigfoot before they fall in love?”
“Or, people are really seeing a bigfoot before they fall in love,” Emma says, matter-of-factly.
Claudia eyes her.
“They’re gentle creatures, and, yes, they do exist,” Emma replies. “I’ll take care of this one.”
Artie nods.
“Myka and Pete already went up there,” Claudia says.
“Do not shoot the bigfoot,” Emma tells Artie.
“I’ll make the call,” he says, getting out his Farnsworth.
“I have a plane to catch,” Emma says.
“Need company?” Claudia asks.
“You might get overwhelmed, Claudia. I’m headed to a place known as the Sanctuary. Abnormals like bigfoot go there when they have nowhere else to go,” Emma says. “And dangerous abnormals are held there to live out their days in relative peace.”
“Sweet!” Claudia says.
Emma shakes her head. “Just keep an open mind when we get there. Come on.”
****
Magnus answers the phone, “Hello?”
“Helen? It’s so good to hear your voice,” Emma says.
“Emma? I haven’t heard from you in ages,” Helen says.
“Helen, unfortunately, this is mostly a business call,” Emma says.
“Warehouse business?” Helen asks, waving Will inside.
“Yes, an abnormal in Montana has a hold of an artifact,” Emma says.
Helen nods. “What do we know so far?”
“It’s a bigfoot. The artifact makes people fall in love with each other.”
“Come on in,” Helen says, opening the gate remotely. “I’ll meet you at the door with my associate, Will.”
“Thank you,” Emma says, pulling through the gate and up to the door.
Claudia and Emma exit the car and head for the door as it opens.
“Claudia, this is Helen Magnus. Helen, this is a fellow agent and friend, Claudia.”
“And this is Will, my protégé.”
“A bigfoot playing cupid?” Will asks Emma.
Emma nods. “Basically.”
“We’ll see what our resident big guy says,” Helen says, leading the way to the kitchen where her friend the bigfoot stands next to a man, arguing over something.
Emma stops short, Will running into her.
“The big guy can be intimidating,” he says to Emma.
“Nikki?!” Emma gapes, ignoring Will’s comment.
Nikola looks up and blinks. “You didn’t move on, did you?”
Emma laughs as Nikola walks over and scoops her into a hug.
“Well, that’s weird,” Will says.
Claudia gapes at everything. “Wait a minute. That’s Nikola Tesla?”
Helen nods. “Yes, why?”
Nikola sets Emma down and turns to Helen. “I see you’ve met my wife.”
Helen gapes.
The big guy shuffles uncomfortably.
“Sorry, Big guy,” Emma says. “You still don’t care too much for crowds, do you?”
He nods, surprised.
Emma smiles. “I met a tribe of bigfoot once. A pleasure to meet you.” She offers her hand.
He takes it and shakes it gently. “Likewise,” he says with a smile.
“I am beyond confused, but we have a bigfoot on the loose playing cupid with an artifact?” Will says.
“Right,” Emma says. “Somewhere in Montana.”
“There’s a small tribe there,” the big guy says. “Harmless.”
“I know they’re harmless, but would they be willing to talk to humans?” Emma asks him.
He shrugs. “It would be a long shot,” he says.
Emma sighs. “I don’t want to hurt anyone, but we need to retrieve the artifact.”
“I don’t like planes,” the big guy says.
“I understand,” Emma says. “Can you help me figure out another way?”
He nods and goes back to his chores, thinking.
Nikola turns to Emma. “Why didn’t you move on?”
Emma shakes her head at him. “Real subtle, Nikki.”
“I thought you never married,” Helen says, ushering everyone out the door and down the hallway.
“I did, discreetly,” he says, looking at Emma. “It took her long enough to say yes.”
“Leena, I’m sure, says hi,” Emma says.
“Our great-great-granddaughter?”
Emma nods.
“I’m confused,” Will says.
Helen nods. “I’ve known you for ages and never knew about you and Nikola.”
“I didn’t know you knew Nikki. If I had, I would’ve said something,” Emma says. “At the time we met, he had just released me from our marriage in order to move on.”
Claudia just shakes her head. “Both Teslas in the same room. It’s like a dream come true.”
Nikola looks at Claudia then at his wife.
“Claudia, Nikola. Nikki, Claudia.”
Helen eyes Emma. “Nikki?”
“She’s the only one allowed to call me that,” Nikola says.
Helen nods, a knowing look in her eyes. “Why don’t the two of you go talk while the rest of us get acquainted?” she says.
Nikola leads Emma off to his lab.
“I thought you’d be dead by now, having passed on the artifact,” Nikola says.
“I haven’t found anyone quite like you, Nikki,” she says. “But, how on earth are you still here?”
“Vampire blood,” he says. “Same as Magnus.”
She nods. “Figures,” she says, teasingly.
He grins at her.
“What would our children be, then? Vampires? How would we know which daughter had the artifact?” Emma asks.
He blinks. “Didn’t think about that one,” he says.
“Oh, Nikki,” she says. “Please tell me you’ve been behaving yourself.”
He takes her in his arms and kisses her soundly. “Mostly,” he admits.
“Promise me,” she says.
“I promise, for you, love,” he says.
She kisses him.
“‘Til death do us part, huh?” He asks.
She giggles.
“Although, if I’m a vampire now, our children might be…oddball,” he says, letting her go for a moment.
“True enough. Do you want to divorce me, then?” She asks.
“Want to, no,” he says. “The only woman, besides Magnus, who ever caught my eye.”
“Besides Magnus, huh?”
“Slip of the tongue.”
“No it wasn’t. It was the truth. You thought I was dead or had moved on by that point.”
He nods.
“So, the question remains, do you want a divorce or do you want more children?”
“I hate this question,” he says and turns to tinker at something.
Magnus steps inside. “Couldn’t help but overhear that last bit. More children, Nikola?”
“I had five, three boys and two girls,” he says, pointing to Emma. “We’re trying to decide if it’s too dangerous for us to have more.”
Magnus nods. “I didn’t realize you were the fatherly type.”
He grumbles and tinkers.
“He made a magnificent father,” Emma says. “He’s just too much of an inventor to admit it.”
Magnus smiles at Emma. “Every time we meet, I like you more.”
Emma grins.
“It might be interesting to see him as a father, but it could be dangerous with his vampiric tendencies,” Magnus says.
“That’s why I hate the question,” Nikola says. “Yes, I want to have more children. No, I don’t want a divorce. But, can I risk the fate of the world on a romance that has produced children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren and more with nothing but love?”
Emma moves past him to a workbench and opens the drawer. After rummaging through it, she pulls out a set of papers, their marriage certificate and license. “You can’t risk it. We can’t risk it,” she says, moving to a fireplace. “So, I will release you from this marriage.” She throws the papers into the fire.
“You may keep my name, Emm,” he says softly.
“I was planning on it,” she says with a wink.
“Devil woman,” he whispers.
She laughs. “That was one time.”
“Twice! I distinctly remember the second time in Scotland.”
“I’ve been trying to forget that,” she says.
“One last kiss, ex-wife,” he says.
She kisses him in response. “You’ll always be the first man I loved, still do, always will.”
“And you will be the first woman I loved, still do, always will,” he says.
“Magnus still in the room,” Helen says.
Emma laughs, hugs Nikola, and steps back. “Keep your promise, Nikki. Or I’ll be back!”
“Please, don’t bring the wrath,” he says mockingly.
She can see the hurt in his eyes.
Helen steps into the hallway.
Emma steps to Nikki and kisses him gently on the cheek. “I didn’t want a divorce, either. But vampire children would reek havoc on the world.”
He nods and kisses her cheek, then stops what he’s doing and moves to a box on the bench. He removes a locket and hands it to her. She puts it on, knowing what it is.
“I truly have only loved one woman,” he whispers to her.
She nods. “And, I have only loved one man.”
“Move on. Find someone to help you lift the curse.”
She nods, kisses his cheek, and backs out the door.
Helen touches her arm. “You okay?”
“I will be, in time,” Emma says. “I’ll get the case solved, have a good cry, a chick flick, a carton of ice cream, something like that.”
Helen chuckles. “I think you’ll be all right.”
“Just, make sure Nikki is okay from time to time, for me,” she says.
Helen nods. “I can do that.”
****
Claudia sits talking to Will, picking his brain.
“Talking your ear off, Will?” Emma asks, swiping a strand of hair out of her eyes.
Claudia looks up, blushing. “I have that tendency, don’t I?”
“Only when you’re curious about something. It’s a good quality to have,” Emma says.
Claudia eyes her. “You okay?”
“I will be. We’ll talk later.”
The big guy enters, grunting.
Emma moves to him. “You don’t have to come,” she says.
He looks at her. “How’d you know what I was saying?”
Emma blushes. “Like I said before, I’ve met a tribe a bigfoot once. What I neglected to say is they pretty much taught me how they speak and live.”
“If you can speak our language, then you might be able to get through to them,” he says. “But, I’ll still come with you as a back up.”
“But you hate flying,” she says.
He nods.
“I have a private helicopter that can take us all to Montana and bring us back when we’re done,” Magnus says.
“Thank you, Helen,” Emma says.
“We can leave first thing in the morning,” Helen says, “Unless it’s urgent.”
“I will check with our field agents and let you know,” Emma says, taking out the Farnsworth and firing it up.
Myka answers, “Hello?”
“Myka,” Emma says. “How’s it going?”
“I think Pete’s in love with a little old lady,” Myka says. “She keeps hitting him with her cane, though. He’s trying to kiss her, again.”
Emma stifles a giggle. “Could be worse,” she says. “Look. Are things okay there, or do you need backup tonight?”
“I could use backup tonight before this town gets any crazier,” she says.
Emma nods. “We’re on our way.”
“Oh, and it really is a bigfoot,” Myka says.
“I know,” Emma says. “I’m bringing a big friend to help.”
Myka eyes her. “I don’t care who you bring, just get here soon! Pete! Pete! No, the lady does not want that man’s cat as a gift. Pete, put it down!”
“Go, Myka,” Emma says, closing the Farnsworth.
“Sounds bad,” the big guy says.
“Looks worse. I could see a man in the background making out with a telephone pole,” Emma says.
Helen giggles. “Sorry.”
“It is kinda funny,” Emma says. “Let’s go before the townspeople start making babies with people to whom they are not married.”
Claudia chuckles. “Poor Pete.”
Emma giggles. “Yes, Pete and that cute little old lady who had to be at least eighty-five.”
Biggie chuckles and follows the group out the door.
“Do you need any belongings?” Emma asks him before they get too far down the hallway.
He grunts.
She nods and follows Magnus to the door. She and Claudia grab their bags from the rental car and head toward the helipad.
“I’ll take care of the rental, if you need me to,” Will says.
“Thank you, Will,” Emma says. “That would be wonderful.” She hands him the key and the papers.
He nods and watches them climb inside the chopper, Helen at the wheel, Claudia as copilot, Biggie and Emma in the back.
“Who’re they?” Kate asks as she and Henry enter.
“The weirdest bunch of people ever,” Will says as they take off.
“That’s saying something, too,” Henry says, waving to Magnus.
****
Helen lands in Montana at the given coordinates.
“Now, remember, don’t touch the artifact directly,” Emma says to Helen and the big guy. “It could affect you just as easily as the average human.”
Claudia dons her purple gloves and hands a pair to Magnus. “I don’t think we have these in extra extra large, Biggie.”
He shrugs. “I just won’t touch it.”
“Here,” Emma says. “Take a pair in case you have to pick it up. You can use them like a dish towel.”
He nods and grunts his thanks to her.
“Claudia, you take Magnus and see what you can do in town. I’ll go with Biggie and find our bigfoot cupid.”
Claudia nods and heads toward town with Magnus.
“Where do we start?” Emma asks him.
He points and grunts.
She nods and lets him lead the way, pulling on her own purple gloves that look more like cloth than latex.
The big guy leads her through the forest, grunting somewhat loudly every now and then.
Movement up ahead causes Emma to pause a moment.
The big guy motions her to follow him forward, grunting that he is from another tribe and wants to talk.
The other bigfoot emerges, holding a pen in his hands.
Emma recognizes it immediately. “That’s Schumann’s pen that he used to compose his love songs to his wife.”
The big guy looks at her like she’s weird.
Emma smiles. “Sorry.”
He shrugs, smiles, and asks for the pen.
The other bigfoot gets defensive and points the pen at them.
“Oh, crap,” Emma says, breathing unevenly.
Biggie eyes her, then turns to kiss her.
The power of the pen takes over.
****
Emma answers the buzzing of the Farnsworth after several minutes, careful to only show her face. Her hair is covered in grass and leaves. “What?” She asks.
“You okay?” Claudia asks.
“I will be,” she says. “What’s your status?”
“The townfolk are going crazy,” Myka says.
“Great. We’ll get the pen, just bear with us,” Emma says and closes the Farnsworth.
“Did we just?” The big guy asks, not finishing his thought.
“Well, our clothes are over there and we are both covered in grass and leaves. I would say, yes, we did,” she says.
“Sorry,” he says.
“Well,” Emma says. “Just don’t be surprised when I call you saying I’m with child.”
He blinks at her. “This is awkward.”
She giggles. “Sorry.”
They dress and find the bigfoot once more, sitting on a rock, cradling the pen.
“Why do you need that pen?” Emma asks him, picking leaves from her hair.
He grunts at her.
“It was a gift from your lover?” Emma asks. “Where is she?”
He grunts again.
“I’m sorry,” she says and walks gently to him, placing a hand on his arm. “The loss of a loved one is hard.”
He grumbles.
Biggie moves toward him and grunts his sympathy.
The other bigfoot nods.
“That pen is causing a lot of things to happen in town,” Emma says, cautious.
The bigfoot speaks, “I didn’t mean to use it.”
Emma smiles. “I know. It was an accident. May I see it a moment?”
He hands it to her.
She takes it and taps the entire mess of leftover ink into the bag in her big guy’s hands, and steps back as sparks fly. She checks the pen for more ink and, when satisfied it is empty, hands the other bigfoot the shell.
He eyes her.
“You can keep this part. It’s not the dangerous part,” she says. “It was the stuff inside it that held so much love.”
He nods and moves off towards a cave.
Emma answers her Farnsworth. “Whatever you did worked,” Myka says.
Helen echoes her. “People here are getting somewhat back to normal.”
“What’s our cover story?” Myka asks.
“There was a chemical spill that caused some people to react in amorous ways towards neighbors and friends. It’s taken care of and an aerosol antidote has been used to set everything back to normal quickly,” Emma says.
Myka nods. “I’ll go talk to the local authorities.”
“Thank you,” Emma says, closing the Farnsworth.
“What now?” The big guy asks.
“Well, I could have Magnus examine me,” she says. “But we won’t know for a few weeks.”
He nods. “It was nice, though,” he admits.
“It’s your mating season, isn’t it?” She asks.
He nods.
“And, now we’re mated,” she says.
He nods again. “Like I said, it’s awkward.”
“Notsomuch,” she says. “It was nice.”
He smiles at her.
****
“What took you so long?” Claudia asks.
“You don’t want to know,” Emma says, picking more grass out of her hair and handing Myka the bag with the pen ink in it. “Schumann’s pen ink he used to compose his love songs to his wife.”
Myka nods and takes the bag, eyeing Emma.
“I’m a mess,” she says in response.
Helen whispers to Emma, “You and the big guy got zapped by the pen, didn’t you?”
Emma nods.
Helen smiles. “Come back to the Sanctuary with us and I can check your health.”
Emma nods and turns to her agents. “I’m needed at the Sanctuary for a little bit. I will call when I’m coming back. Head on back to the Warehouse.”
Myka nods.
Claudia eyes her.
“I’ll explain when I get back,” Emma tells her getting her bag from Claudia.
“Did I really try and kiss an old lady?” Pete asks.
Emma nods. “That’s why you have a black eye.”
Pete sighs and watches her board the helicopter with the other two.
“What do we tell Artie?” Myka says.
“That Emma has some explaining to do when she gets back,” Claudia says.
****
After seven days, Emma contacts Artie by Farnsworth.
“It’s about time,” he says.
“Are you alone?” She asks.
He nods. “Just me and Trailer.”
“I got hit with the pen,” she says.
“And?”
“And mated with the resident bigfoot of the Sanctuary,” she says with a blush.
Artie blinks at her. “You did what?” He looks around to make sure that only he is in the room.
“You heard me correctly, Arthur,” she says. “I divorced Nikki earlier that day, got hit with the pen, and mated with Biggie.”
Artie shakes his head. “What does that even mean?”
“It means I’m carrying a half-bigfoot child and needed to be checked over by Magnus.”
“O-kay.” He sits back and runs a hand through his hair. “Are you staying there, then?”
“No, bigfoot mate every five years and only for a week at a time. If they decide to mate for life, they tend to mate twice a year at most, usually. The big guy is okay if I come home as long as I come back near the baby’s birth.” Emma sighs and looks off to the side with a smile.
“Should I tell the others?”
“If you want,” she says. “I don’t mind. Either way, they’ll find out.”
“Well, yeah. When you start showing.”
She chuckles. “I’ll be home soon.”
He nods. “Bye.”
She turns to the big guy. “You do realize your name loosely translates to Kale in English,” she tells him.
“You can call me Kale,” he says, kissing her forehead. “Only you.”
She grins. “And you can call me uh-oh-uh-ah.”
He chuckles. “That’s not quite right.”
“So are we lifers are fivers?” she asks.
“Lifers,” he says without hesitation. “I might be persuaded to come to Univille and see you.”
“You pronounced it right,” she says. “And I would be pleased to have you.”
“The copter’s fired up, Emma,” Henry says. “This is just weird, Biggie.”
The bigfoot shrugs and picks up Emma’s bag.
“I’ll come check on you in two months,” Helen says. “Good luck.”
Henry heads out to the helipad.
Emma turns to the big guy. “Kale, take care of yourself while I’m gone. I don’t want to hear about any weird venomous incidents.”
He smiles at her as they walk outside. “And no near death experiences for you, either.”
“I couldn’t even if I wanted to,” she says. “The baby wouldn’t survive that kind of thing.”
He nods.
“One more thing,” she says. “Nikki made an adjustment to my locket.” She opens the heart-shaped locket to reveal a picture of her and Nikki on one side and her and Kale on the other.
He smiles. “Be safe.”
“You, too.”
They kiss. He hands her the bag and watches her board the helicopter.
****
Artie greets Emma as she ducks beneath the wind from the helicopter, waving to Henry and Kate.
“Hello, Artie,” she says.
“The others are a little weirded by the news,” he says, taking her bag. “I thought I’d warn you.”
She smiles. “I’m just weird, Arthur. I have yet to get used to that fact.”
He chuckles and loads her things in his backseat as she gets in.
She buckles up.
“A bigfoot?” He asks her.
She nods and shows him the picture in the locket.
“A bigfoot,” he says.
She giggles as they head home.
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